I Forgive You: Me

I forgive you…

I forgive you for walking through the art building as a timid freshman in college, swollen with longing, not asking how you could take the art classes, just looking through the window panes, apart. 

I forgive you.  

I forgive you for holding back when what you really wanted, was to go for it.  

Again and again, this, in every circumstance.  In all the versions.  

And for all the versions of you, especially the less favorable ones, I forgive you.  

I forgive you for being too snippy to Mom.  For talking too much and not letting what wants to emerge in the pauses, reveal itself.  I know you’re just afraid. 

I forgive you for being so hard on yourself. 

For being so self-conscious dancing that you struggle to enjoy it.  

I forgive you for forgetting something at the store, basically every time you go, and for then getting defensive at his disappointment of the forgotten items. The avocados. The fish sauce.  The Thai basil chicken isn’t the same without it.  

I forgive you.  I forgive you.  

I forgive you for choosing to parent full time and letting your old business wither away.  Grapes dying on the vine, while you poured all of your juice into the kids.  

I forgive you for all of the mean things you’ve thought and said to yourself, your body, how you’ve insulted your character, how you’ve sold yourself short, and the toll that’s taken on your self-worth.  

I forgive the stories you’ve spun, that have spun you out, the faulty narratives, mostly about yourself, that have kept you small.  

I forgive you for being a reluctant warrior, for not playing full-out. 

I forgive you for turning the volume down, so many times, trying to appease, and in doing so, abandoning yourself.  I forgive you.  

I forgive you for trying so hard and still not feeling like you’re enough.  I forgive you, I forgive you, I forgive you.